A foundation of Positive Discipline is being Kind AND Firm at the same time. This promotes mutual respect and being respectful to everyone in the family.
In our classes, many parents express concern that they are either too permissive or punitive or they are not consistent. And these are valid concerns.
Kindness without firmness may become permissiveness and firmness without kindness maybe come punitive. The AND helps is important to keep parenting in balance. The good news is that Positive Discipline tools are set up being kind and firm at the same time.
I am going to share three tools that I have found to significantly change our parenting style and I find more importantly our children’s reactions to situation.
Positive Discipline Tools:
Validate Feelings –This tool I have written about here. What I find to be helpful is understanding the brain science behind what Dr. Dan Seigel calls, “Name it to Tame it”. In Positive Discipline, we use the newest neurobiology information to help parents understand behvaiours, what children are needing and the belief behind the behaviour.
Here are two example of using the validating feelings tool:
– Know that it is hard to stop playing and it is time for us to clean up
-You don’t want to brush your teeth and we will do it together
When/Then Statements – When/then statements are one of my go to Positive Discipline tools. I have heard from multiple families that this tool has provided them great insight into their parenting journey. In fact, this past summer, Mr E asked me why I always say When/Then, When/Then, When/Then. I answered him that this is a parenting tool that I find both him and his sister responds too. Mr E, aged 5, told me to keep using the tool as it really works.
Here are two examples of When/Then Statements:
-When your plate is finished, then you can have yogurt for dessert
-When your room is clean, then you can play outside/puzzles/have 1 TV show
Providing Choices – http://littlehandsandme.com/child-does-not-listen-positive-discipline/
In the blog post “HELP!! MY CHILD NEVER LISTENS”, I discuss providing choices as a way to promote cooperation. This tool is a prime example of being kind AND firm at the same time since parents are able to draw their box of what they can live with and provide choices to their children to decide.
Here are two examples of Providing Choices:
-When your PJ’s are on then we can read 1 or 2 books. You decide.
-Oops the hall needs to be cleaned, shoes or jacket first, you decide”
The Kind AND Firm parenting is unique to the Positive Discipline Parenting. Have faith that as you implement these tools into your parenting practice, sometimes with significant pushback, that you are providing long term social and life skills, addressing the challenging behaviours and the belief behind the behaviour!
With you in your parenting journey