Parent: Keep your hands to yourself
Child: hits/pokes/scares younger sibling
Parent: Be gentle
Child: Misbehaviour continues
Parent: UGH!!! You make me so mad. Keep your hands to yourself. Why can’t you listen?
Child: Misbehaviour continues and increases
Parent: THAT’s IT!!! I am taking away your tablet for the week.
How many of us have experienced a similar type of tense moment in our day to day activities? What types of methods have you tried? Have they worked? Do they promote long term benefits such as building life skills and characteristics? Will my child always be like this?
I know that these thoughts have run through my mind in tense situations. I know that I have let anger, frustrations, even fear and worry take over my body in these interactions. I have lost my temper and yelled (My trigger is going to yelling. I let my intense feelings out this way which does not help the situation and can cause shame, pain and self-blame).
What can be done for situations that happen over, and over, and over, and over again? We all hit that point. We loose it!
Maybe you have tried distraction and redirection, the 3 B’s to sibling conflict, connection before correction, one words…
SOOOO Positive Discipline tools.
After, taking deep breaths which by that I mean maybe a good ugly cry. This helps to feel calmer.
This was an actual moment of my parenting
The kids and I sat around our kitchen island. I explored my feelings of frustration about the sibling conflict. I then asked them what they can do to keep their hands busy. Mr. E, aged 5.5 years old, had answers! Amazing answers. We used them to create a “Wheel of Choice”.
We worked together to create this “Wheel of Choice”. I wrote the words and he drew the pictures. This process took maybe 20 minutes. We were able to connect and chat as he drew his pictures.
In Positive Discipline Parenting, we learn many hands on and visual tools. This is just one that we create, use and forget about before needing to bring back this tool. Trust me, when it is hanging on our wall, we are both much more aware of our interactions, intentions and actions.